Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
