Porn is love you can see.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
