I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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