would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
