omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize