I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
