that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
