There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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