shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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