Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize