My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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