I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
