Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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