Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
