Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
