something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
