She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
