Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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