i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
