How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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