I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You pole danced in your parka.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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