You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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