There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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