i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
