I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
