Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The adults are the big ones right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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