I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
