You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ttyl tear gas
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
