tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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