What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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