help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
