the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
