If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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