if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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