She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
