I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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