Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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