Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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