Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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