Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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