He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize