Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize