Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
