That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
