Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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