She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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