haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
