I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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