I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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