allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
