My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His nipple licking is glorious
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