2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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