or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
