The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
