Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just invented taco cereal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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