You really coming over, don't trick.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
