The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
