But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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