Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
