What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
