grandma shit on top of the toilet
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
