the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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