Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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