I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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