we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
