I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
