he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's the barista slut.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
