One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
