Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
