When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My underwear smells like fireworks.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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