my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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