I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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