I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
