She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
