Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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