I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
