Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
