Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
