Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
