dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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