on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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