Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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