Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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