I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize