U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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